he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
