i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
