i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
