420 ftw
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
