I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
