we have pet lesbian snakes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
