READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
