I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
