That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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