Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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