i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
