just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
