On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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