omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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