You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
