i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
