All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
