Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
