hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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