The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
