Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
