we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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