Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
