I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
