if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
