Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
