he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
