my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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