1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
