"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
