I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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