She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
