idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
