he puts the penis in happiness.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
