So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
