y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
