Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
