so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
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Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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