im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
