i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
