he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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