this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
