First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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