Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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