And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
