the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
