I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
