Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
