it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
