btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time