fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize