shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So much Jack, so little girl.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
