i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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