Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
