Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
