How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
