her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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