So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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