I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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