census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
