I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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