remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
