Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
