this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
