he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Did I show you my penis last night?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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