Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
