Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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