Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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