I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
