Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
