I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
