You can't special order awesome
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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